Where is my crystal ball?

Some people might think it is terribly exciting, not know where they will be in 9 months. Frankly I find it quite terrifying. It is like swimming in a giant abyss, knowing that the shore exists but not having any idea where it is.

4 months ago my husband lost his job.  A brave or particularly adventurous person might leap at the chance to remake a life, change the plan, and shake up the plot.  This might be considered a chance to find out what one really wants to do. In the beginning when the initial shock has worn thin, some of this is true. Exciting visions appear of starting a business or moving somewhere exotic. Perhaps working for a new start up or maybe even changing careers all together. Then once the dust settles and no one calls or emails begging for an interview the realization seeps in that this might not be so easy. In fact, as time moves on it becomes apparent that being picky is not even an option and the idea of choice is an idea that starts to dim. At this point we are thinking we might just be taking the first thing that comes up. This might be the worst time to be looking for work.  We are starting to get nervous.

Being at home plugging away and looking for a job is not pleasant. Lots of people say “wow, I wish I had that sort of time!” But that is the ironic part of the situation. If we knew that we had a finite amount of free time and the money in which to enjoy it we would have a ball! When you know that it is free but expensive and uncertain, it is not so much fun.

It does force you to live in the moment. It’s much too stressful to continually contemplate an uncertain future so we are forced to just continue in the minutia of our day to day lives. It is hard to talk about it all the time so we just refer to it obliquely now and again and know that like a giant elephant it is in the room all the time. We have to walk around it and occasionally pretend that we don’t know its there.

It might end up being me that gets the job but that is a tricky one. It is hard for one person to live on a teacher’s salary let alone four! If I do take an international position we are making a very risky decision because should he find a job in that place we might be forced to stay there for far longer than we wanted. Many ask why we don’t just return to Canada and be safe and secure and enjoy the easy route. It is not as simple or as easy as that. Not to delve into specifics, but this is one of those times when we get to choose what kind of life we want.  We all struggle with the balance between what we want in life and what we get. However hard, the temptation to grow and explore and be different and prevent stagnation is stronger than anything else. Maybe we will have to play the price for that type of personal growth.

How I long for a crystal ball to tell us what to do!


Filed under Family Stuff

6 responses to “Where is my crystal ball?

  1. 3limes

    No crystal ball needed. We’re adventurous people and have to pay the price. One day we’ll look back and smile at our achievements. As Maria Shriver would say “that’s who we are”.
    And I love you.

  2. robert

    patience and all things will work out! the excitement of this lifestyle comes from the unknowing. when we’re old and grey we will have that grounded home and be able to look back upon a swath of experiences that will bring us much joy!

  3. zed

    I wish I had travelled before I started popping out kids – but that’s the way life has been for me. I don’t remember Vietnam or Tokyo, but I have vague memories of holidays in Belgium and Senegal. I visited my parents for a fortnight when they were in Cameroon – but I had to get back to my family.

    “Oh, how I wish my parents were diplomats/army people/whatever – I could have visited the world.”

    That depends. If your parents take you with them then that’s fine – mine didn’t and now I don’t even know my 3 younger brothers and contact with my parents is minimal – but with love.

    I’ve been around the world several times – but what do I remember? Very little.

    I grew up too early; first married at 22, divorced about 18 months later and married again at 30, 2 girls already in our nest and one (boy) about to be born.

    My previous lifestyle made me want to settle, so I did. Here.

    But the urge to travel to countries that I will remember is on my ‘to-do’ list once the youngest is old enough to look after himself (if ever!) – and that will be in 3 years time.

    Finances considering and I’ll go along with my well-travelled partner – I simply can’t wait.

  4. Thanks for your comment. That is wonderful that you are expecting your third! You can always travel but having kids can’t wait. We are really trying to figure out our next move and as tempted as I am by a third child, according to my husband it won’t be happening!
    I went to boarding school too but luckily I got a chance to remember lots of places before then. I am so inspired to bring up my girls as international movers but the down side will be their lack of roots.
    Will have to work hard to make sure they have some, somehow.

  5. zed

    Sorry, that didn’t read well. When I got married for the second ghastly time, we already had two daughters and I was 6 months pregnant. The tyke is now 15.

    I don’t to move again. Ever. Travel – yes. Move – no.

  6. zed

    Ooooops – I don’t want to move…..

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