Some people might think it is terribly exciting, not know where they will be in 9 months. Frankly I find it quite terrifying. It is like swimming in a giant abyss, knowing that the shore exists but not having any idea where it is.
4 months ago my husband lost his job. A brave or particularly adventurous person might leap at the chance to remake a life, change the plan, and shake up the plot. This might be considered a chance to find out what one really wants to do. In the beginning when the initial shock has worn thin, some of this is true. Exciting visions appear of starting a business or moving somewhere exotic. Perhaps working for a new start up or maybe even changing careers all together. Then once the dust settles and no one calls or emails begging for an interview the realization seeps in that this might not be so easy. In fact, as time moves on it becomes apparent that being picky is not even an option and the idea of choice is an idea that starts to dim. At this point we are thinking we might just be taking the first thing that comes up. This might be the worst time to be looking for work. We are starting to get nervous.
Being at home plugging away and looking for a job is not pleasant. Lots of people say “wow, I wish I had that sort of time!” But that is the ironic part of the situation. If we knew that we had a finite amount of free time and the money in which to enjoy it we would have a ball! When you know that it is free but expensive and uncertain, it is not so much fun.
It does force you to live in the moment. It’s much too stressful to continually contemplate an uncertain future so we are forced to just continue in the minutia of our day to day lives. It is hard to talk about it all the time so we just refer to it obliquely now and again and know that like a giant elephant it is in the room all the time. We have to walk around it and occasionally pretend that we don’t know its there.
It might end up being me that gets the job but that is a tricky one. It is hard for one person to live on a teacher’s salary let alone four! If I do take an international position we are making a very risky decision because should he find a job in that place we might be forced to stay there for far longer than we wanted. Many ask why we don’t just return to Canada and be safe and secure and enjoy the easy route. It is not as simple or as easy as that. Not to delve into specifics, but this is one of those times when we get to choose what kind of life we want. We all struggle with the balance between what we want in life and what we get. However hard, the temptation to grow and explore and be different and prevent stagnation is stronger than anything else. Maybe we will have to play the price for that type of personal growth.
How I long for a crystal ball to tell us what to do!