She didn’t want a party she didn’t want a big fuss she just wanted to be younger. Aging was a very difficult thing for her. Not just the vanity aspect, although of course that was part of it. Really it was the idea of running out of time. There was so much to do in this life. So much to experience and live. She suffered from an inner frustration and restlessness that never quietened, even as she got older.

One day she decided to run away. She wanted to go to Casablanca and New York and Paris and she wanted to meet and touch and smell different men. She wanted to look and see and taste the freedom of other lands. She wanted to run away knowing that she could come back, knowing it was a temporary split from her reality. 

So she began to think of places and times and realized that she could only do this when she was 50. Leaving her children before that was impossible. The love held her back. So 50. And at 50 she would still be working to pay for those children and their life and perhaps she would be held back by the love of her husband. She suddenly hoped she would be and she began to realize that she didn’t really want to go. And that staying right here at home was the best place she could be.

And so her birthday came and the laughter of loved ones travelled down continents and across oceans. She lay in the crook of an arm when it was all over, nose pressed into a soft neck. She melted into the future, she would not go gently and she would not go alone.





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