I’ve noticed that I live in a bubble. Apart from the fact that my house resembles a goldfish bowl (it sits on a corner and is surrounded by windows) I myself feel like a goldfish, bug-eyed, going round and round in random circles.
I live between school and home, a distance of mere steps, I don’t drive here in Trinidad and an excursion out of our neighbourhood only ever happens at the weekend. So 5 days a week I live within a 1 kilometer radius. If I need to purchase something I need to either walk to the Mall (still within the 1K border) or get a ride. There is no public transport to speak of and walking anywhere beyond our little circle is dangerous, first because there are no sidewalks here, everything is very spread out and there is the small matter of crime.
In Montreal I walked everywhere and lived in my car the rest of the time. I was highly independent and completely self sufficient, relying on no one for transport and venturing beyond my safe cocoon daily.
I guess you could say I am suffering from Cabin Fever.
Trinidad is very suburban, a life style I have never encountered, having always lived in the centre of cities. I am at heart a down town girl and there are days when I long for Montreal, with a pain that is almost sweet in its nostalgia. I want to pound the streets, stop for coffee, browse the stores, peruse a museum or gallery, hide in a bookstore during a brief shower, pick up sushi, grab dinner to go in a deli and ride a bus. There are days where this longing strikes me hard and I barely notice the tropical palms, the sun, or the call of the early Kiskadee that pulls me out of bed. I have always been a walker in a city and a lover of the bus. But I have also been accustomed to grabbing my keys and jumping in the car if I needed to pick up supplies from the hardware store or take my dog to the vet. Here I am tied to my home and dependant on the schedule of others.
My freedom is compromised and my spontaneity crushed. I want to dive into the vibrancy of a city and feed on the culture, come up for air and feel alive.
The grass is ALWAYS greener.